This is scary.
I turn 20 years old today.
I’ve been meaning to write this post for days… weeks, even. But life happened and blogging didn’t happen and voila, here I am.
No waxing sentimental here, but I have 20 Thoughts on Turning 20.
1) What even?
This isn’t just a parent thing, I agree with it. WHERE DID THE YEARS GO?! Last I remember checking, my biggest life struggles were PMS and graduating from high school. Hm.
2) I liiiiiiiiiive.
I agree with Mushu on this one. *wipes forehead* I survived the oh-so-terrible teen years pretty much scot-free. No criminal record, no drunk texts, no dead friends… probably because I pretty much have no life away from my computer anyway. XD
3) Whatever gave me the impression that the teen years were the worst… I need to go back and erase that mentality.
For some reason, I thought the teen years would be the worst, that once I was done adjusting to bras and PMS and high school, the worse would be over.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my life. Just, there are bigger problems in life than bra sizes. Trust me.
4) I’m living the dream.
I could also go back and tell 16-year-old me to stop worrying about what’s going to happen after high school. Yeah, sure, there’s still some up and downs, but God is good and He makes things happen. My worrying didn’t help either of us.
Now, I have a day job. I’m studying cosmetology/beauty stuff, which is something I LOVE. I’m writing books… and PUBLISHING them. How cool is that?
5) I have a tribe.
You guys, reading this blog. 🙂 I have so many writing buddies, who have become both mentors and… oh my, we’re an encouraging community of ladies, and I LOVE IT.
6) I still have no idea what I’m doing.
Back up a step.
I know what I’m doing… long-term. I know I’m here to glorify God. I know my specific way to do that is writing books.
There’s still so much that I don’t know.
Like, using a credit card. Driving a car. Finding my way around in a big city. Filing paperwork. Doing taxes.
On second thought, those all sound miniscule compared to the long-term.
7) God is in control.
Maybe 20-year-old me needs to learn the same lesson as 16-year-old me. Trust in God. God has it all covered.
Stop. Worrying. Bekah.
8) I do have skills.
Growing up as an MK has given me quite the range of skills, both unusual ones and, you know, the ordinary stuff.
I can speak Spanish and sign language.
I can babysit large amounts of kids for long amounts of time (my record’s 10 days. No one died.)
I can cook meals (no one died… yet).
I can change light bulbs and gas… things… I can fix computers and make some semblance of fixing water pipes.
I can drive a motorcycle.
I may not know how to do some things… but I have that.
9) Disney is still amazing.
I grew up on Lady and the Tramp, Cinderella, Mulan…
Disney’s music is still amazing.
I grew up, though, and now I see a lot of the messages behind-the-scenes of Disney. Evolution in The Lion King. Polytheism in Pocahontas. Not to mention the notions Disney gives of true love and “true love’s kiss”.
But guess what?
Disney’s music is still amazing. I may or may not be listening to a reel of it now.
Call it nostalgia, call it regressing to childhood, I still love it.
(just don’t base thoughts of Prince Charming on Disney. Please.)
10) Still no Prince Charming.
Okay, I’m not really looking for him either. That’s not my job.
But, that said, I’m keeping my eyes open. I know what qualities a good Christian husband has, and I’m learning to pick them out in other people, be they men or otherwise.
My eye is on you. XD
(… that sounded freaky.)
11) Writing isn’t easy. I repeat. Writing. Is. Not. Easy.
It looks easy. I’m sitting at a desk, typing words on a keyboard (although at lightning speeds… give me that…)
Writing is socially acceptable schizophrenia.
At any one time, I am myself, I am a character, and I am a reader of my story. I have to be myself, looking at the story and where it’s supposed to go. I have to be inside the character’s mind, living the story. And I have to be the reader, affecting how I see the story.
And you ask me why I cry when a fictional character dies.
Hm. I’m their writer, their creator. It’s like watching my child die.
I’m them. I have lived inside their head for who knows how many pages of this novel. I just died.
I am the reader. I have taught myself to fall in love with them again.
Does any of this even make sense, or am I rambling awkwardly again? XD
12) Neither is editing. Or formatting. Or graphic design.
On second thought, none of this is easy.
13) I appreciate a lot of things more now.
Okay, okay, I’m done complaining. 🙂
I appreciate a whole lot of things more, now that I’m older. Mom, for one thing. A good day of work. Money. Time. Oh my goodness, do I appreciate particular times. Quiet time. I love quiet time.
14) Makeup isn’t half as important as it used to be.
I started wearing makeup at what… 18? Aaaand, I got obsessed with it. Leaving the house without mascara and base? Heresy.
These days, I’m half and half. People can handle seeing my real face. I can handle showing my real face.
If people don’t like it… tough. I’m not here to please other people.
15) I’m still chicken.
Yeah, opening my mouth and talking to people still scares me. A lot. I’m terrified of doing my live Q&A video at the party tonight. It’s scary. My fingers work better than my mouth does, and they always have. I hope to improve this talking-to-people thing, but let’s see what happens.
16) I’m running out of ideas here.
I’m a writer. I should have more ideas here. Hm.
Guess that goes to show I’m still not perfect?
17) I’ve got a long way to go.
I have so much ahead of me in life. I don’t even know which continent I will live on long-term.
Buuut I know what I’m writing over the next few months. I know the books I’m publishing (and yes, there are many!)
I have a long-term goal. I have the steps I need to get there.
18) I ought to get off Facebook and write more.
But then again, that would give me even more of a #flashfloodtypist nickname. (Which I don’t mind, actually.) I’ll run out of ideas… um, never mind.
I should just listen to myself and write some more. And then just, like, blow you away. You wouldn’t believe me when I’m in a writing flow.
19) I have the best family.
There’s nothing sweeter than having the 2-year-old climbing up on my lap, clamoring for a stowy.
Explaining to the 7-year-old the difference between Barbie and Disney princesses, discussing hurricanes and floods with the 9-year-old brother.
Dicussing my books with the 12-year-old sister.
Arguing whether books or movies are better, with my 16-year-old sister.
There’s nothing sweeter than cuddling a little sister who can’t sleep, and then both falling asleep in my bed.
There’s nothing sweeter than holding my arms out wide and having the baby run into them with a big hug.
There’s nothing sweeter than being the one to console after a bad nightmare or a misunderstanding that resulted in tears.
I have the best family.
20) Things will get better, and they will get worse.
Because that’s the way God is, and that’s the way life works. There’ll be more ups and downs, highs and lows, and nasty plateaus in the middle (those really suck).
There will be good days. There will be days where all I want to do is fall into bed and cry. (It’s okay to cry, by the way.)
But I’m gonna be okay.
I’m going to carry on, keep going, plunge forward into this scary, amazing, intimidating, awesome adult life.
I will run the race that God has set before me (despite the fact that I’m a terrible runner. Even Wile E. Coyote could catch me).
I will keep the faith.
Wow, now the emotions were all over in that post. Congratulations, if you made it this far. I’m weird, and you know that even more now.
Thanks, cheers, and I’m praying for you in all your endeavors.
Over and out,